my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
