So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
