If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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