I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
