i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize