I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
