my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
