she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
