Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
