My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize