also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
