I wish I only lived at night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
