You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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