i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
