I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
