I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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