the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
