i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your penis caused this!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize