she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Come on in and take your pants off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
