I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
FUCK WHALES
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
