she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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