I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
