Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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