I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
