I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize