I'm gonna have a badass scar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
