porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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