she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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