Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
