KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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