The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize