I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
