I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
