Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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