you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
