can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are the jesus of drinking
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize