i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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