Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize