her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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