Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
