Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
