I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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