I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize