maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
