Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
