i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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