Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
