This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
