u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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