so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
