I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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