Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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