Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
