You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
