Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
