omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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