i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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