he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
