I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
