Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
