Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize