she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
