dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize