With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
