You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
