I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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