There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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