You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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