My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
